


all the letters i'll write (and all the fires i'll start)

by itsagamefortwo



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/M, First Kiss, Gen, Swearing, he's just an idiot in love, honestly it really got away from me and took on a life of it's own sorry it's so long, like a fair bit lmao, luke writes some letters that he doesn't think anybody will ever read, no beta because i am lazy, there's only like a very slim magical element but its not major, this has a very nice ending if i do say so myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:13:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27702593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsagamefortwo/pseuds/itsagamefortwo
Summary: luke writes a series of letters to julie that he never has any intention of her reading, it's just a way for him to get his feelings out of his system. he's got four months to get over loving his best friend, surely that's enough time.Dear JulieI realised something a few weeks ago. Bet you can’t guess what it is. Actually that seems a little unfair because I have no intentions of sending this letter. In fact, as soon as I’m finished writing it, I’m going to put it into an envelope and burn it.I’ve got four months ahead of me on this tour, four months of only being able to talk to you via a phone. That should be enough time to sort myself out, right?I realised I love you. I’m in love with you. Wow, that feels kinda nice to write. I love you, Julie. Huh. Maybe there’s something to this letter writing thing after all.Love always,Luke.
Relationships: Alex & Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 68
Kudos: 426





	1. dear julie...

> _Dear Julie_
> 
> _I realised something a few weeks ago. Bet you can’t guess what it is. Actually that seems a little unfair because I have no intentions of sending this letter. In fact, as soon as I’m finished writing it, I’m going to put it into an envelope and burn it._
> 
> _I saw that in a film once. Someone writing down all their feelings and then burning it. Not sure if it helped but. That’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to write this letter. ~~Maybe another one, until I’ve worked out how to deal with all these feelings.~~ _
> 
> _And then I’m going to burn it._
> 
> _I’ve got four months ahead of me on this tour, four months of only being able to talk to you via a phone. That should be enough time to sort myself out, right?_
> 
> _Still not guessed yet?_
> 
> _I realised I love you. I’m_ in _love with you. Wow, that feels kinda nice to write. I love you, Julie. Huh. Maybe there’s something to this letter writing thing after all._
> 
> _Love always,_
> 
> _Luke._

He looks down at the sheet of paper he’d torn from his notebook, he’d started to loosen his pull towards the end and the bottom left corner if missing in a jagged section. Luke’s always found it easier to express himself in writing, but it was normally in songs. With lyrics and melodies and harmonies and random pieces of guitar he could hear in his mind.

Never letters. He’s not even sure if he’s ever written a letter before. Does an elementary school project count? He doesn’t think so. But it helped. In a weird way. He kind of feels lighter. Like just writing the words has freed him a little.

He doodles a little guitar under his name as he thinks about what to do now. He’d said he’d burn it, which still seems like a good idea to him. Biting the end of his pen, Luke picks up his sheet of paper and folds it in half, then folds it again until it’s a slightly uneven square. Pen still dangling from his lips he holds his letter carefully before making a split second decision and puts it back down, pulls the pen from his mouth and scrawls Julie’s name on the square.

He’s not sure if anyone would even be able to tell what it says, not that it matters. It’ll be a little pile of ash soon enough.

> _Dear Julie,_
> 
> _Did you know every town seems to have the world's best coffee and cheesecake? This is the fifth place we’ve stopped that claimed to have it, and I’ll be honest with you, I’ve yet to find a coffee that’s better than yours. Or a cheesecake better then the one Reggie found from that place by the docks._
> 
> _Do you remember that? We found him in your moms studio, just eating cheesecake like his life depended on it with his fingers. You made him come into the house and use a fork. He still talks about it sometimes, his magical cheesecake and how he’s never been able to find the shop since._
> 
> _Sometimes I think you might be my magical cheesecake. That if I ever get the chance to try you, have you, I’ll just end up losing you forever. Oh fuck that just sounds wrong. God I’m glad you’ll never get to read this mess. I wish I could never read this mess. Fuck._
> 
> _~~I~~ We miss you._
> 
> _Love always,_
> 
> _Luke._

When they’d first signed on to be the opening band for _MudSlide_ all they had thought about was the benefits. People hearing their music, getting to go to new places with their accommodation paid for, the chance to prove their parents wrong. And all of that was still true, and none of them would change it for the world.

But touring was _tiring_ in a way none of them had imagined. The longest they were in one place was two nights, and they were normally so wired after a show that sleep didn’t come easy and they spent too much time eating terrible food and watching weird late night shows on cable.

They were two weeks in when Reggie collapsed onto the bed next to Alex, the springs not giving enough to bounce, an overly dramatic sigh leaving his lips.

Alex didn’t look up from his phone and Luke was far too preoccupied with figuring out the chorus to a new song. Reggie sighed again, this time raising his arms in the air before letting them flop down, one hand hitting Alex on the ankle.

“What is it Reggie?” Alex locked his phone, kicking Reggie’s hand away and frowning at the bassists.

“I miss Ray’s pancakes is all.” That pulls Luke’s attention away from his notebook because, yeah, Ray makes some pretty good pancakes. There’s a far off dreamy look on his face as he says it, almost as though he’s picturing a plate of said pancakes appearing in front of him.

“It’s only been two weeks Reg, and hey, I’m sure we can find somewhere that does just as good pancakes.”

“Won’t be the same,” Reggie sighs again, pulling his arms in to rest crossed over his chest, feet kicking back and forth on the carpet where they hang off the end of the bed.

“I miss that place by the school that did the really nice salted caramel ice cream,” Luke offers, getting up from where he’d been sitting on the other bed and joining his friends. Alex and Luke both grab one of Reggie’s hands and start to pull him up to join them, squeezing him in between them with their backs against the headboard. Neither let go to the hand they’d grabbed.

“Nah, that pizza place down by the strip. That’s what I miss most,” now it’s Alex’s turn to look a little wistfully into the distance. Luke and Reggie share a look, both of them knowing that it’s not so much the pizza he’s missing but the view of a certain skater boy that the pizza place offered.

“Hotdogs from Sam&Ella’s,” Luke chimes in, pulling Alex back from his daydream to pull a face.

“That place nearly killed us! How can you miss it?”

“Can’t fault a cheap meal man,” Luke shrugs with a wide grin.

“My magical cheesecake from the docks,” Reggie sighs dramatically again and lets his torso go loose and slither down the bed until he’s lying between Luke and Alex, who both roll their eyes with a fond sort of exasperation.

Touring might be tiring, and there is definitely a long list of food (and places and people) that they miss, but Luke wouldn’t trade this moment right here for the world. Getting to live his dream with Alex and Reggie is totally worth missing some damn good pancakes for a few months.

> _Dear Julie,_
> 
> _I’ve never really thought about love before. I mean, I’ve thought about it, obviously. Because I love my parents. ~~Even though I’m never sure if they love me~~. And I love the boys, and I love music and I love the sound of rain on a metal roof and the way when you smile it’s like the whole world is a little brighter. _
> 
> _But I’ve never really thought about it, y’know? About how all those types of love are different. I love Alex and Reggie the same way I love my mom and dad, they’re family. I’d do anything for them, to keep them happy. But if Reg or Alex turned around tomorrow and said they didn’t want to be in the band anymore I’d say okay and find a way to carry on without them._
> 
> _Sometimes I think I’d give up music, if you asked me too. And that’s fucking terrifying Julie. That’s such a different kind of love. It’s the kind of love that they write books about and that poets are constantly trying to emulate._
> 
> _It’s a kind of love that people search for all their life and sometimes never find. And ~~I just~~ \- I found it by accident that day we were partnered in science. _
> 
> _Love always,_
> 
> _Luke._

His parents had agreed to let him go on tour under the strict rule that he would call them once a month, to check in, to say how things were going, to catch up. His mom had used a lot of different phrases for it. Luke just liked to refer to it as The Call and throw a pillow at Reggie everytime he started to sing the Regina Spektor song.

He’s pretty sure they were expecting him to call after the first month and tell them he was coming home. That he was giving up on music and the band and would be giving college a second thought. Instead the whole conversion had been him gushing about how big the crowds they were playing for were and how much fun the three of them were having in their shitty van and equally small hotel rooms.

They’d tried to sound supportive, Luke couldn’t fault them for that. But it wasn’t exactly hard to tell they were disappointed. Luke tried really hard not to take it too personally. Julie’s voice in the back of his mind telling him that ‘ _They’re just looking out for you, they worry. You_ know _they worry. You can’t blame them for caring about you._ ’

And that was true. He knew it was just because they cared and that he should be _glad_ they cared, because Alex’s parents didn’t call to check up and Reggie’s had probably barely noticed he’d left. Luke knew, in the parents department, he’d lucked out. Emily and Mitch cared and they worried and they drove Luke mad with it all.

“And you’re drinking enough water, right?” His mom’s voice sounded echo-y through the phone and it just added to that ever present hint of worry in her tone.

“Yeah mom, at least two liters a day. We’re using those bottles you got us.” At least Alex was using his, always hitting his water intake target in accordance to the lines on the bottle. Luke and Reggie were trying too, most days they at least remembered to fill it up.

“Good. And you’re eating more than just rubbish?” There’s a pause where Luke tries to come up with an answer vague enough to reassure her, but he must take too long because his mom is sighing, the sound even worse through his phone then in person. “Luke, you know it’s important to eat vegetables! You’ll only make yourselves ill.”

She talks for another few minutes, listing all the reasons they need to eat healthier and how it’s irresponsible and that they’re being _trusted_ to look after themselves and Luke tunes it out. It’s nothing he hasn’t heard before.

“Mom, ma, hey, ma,” Luke tries to break into the conversation again, rubbing a hand over his face as she just keeps talking, “Ma! Look, I gotta go, we need to unload the van.”

There’s a crackling silence stretching between them.

“Right, right, of course, love.” If Luke closes his eyes he can picture her, sitting at the dining room table with her phone pressed to her ear, that sad slightly disappointed smile on her face and unshed tears in her eyes. Luke doesn’t close his eyes, he blinks, clears his throat.

“I’ll call you in a few weeks, okay?”

“Okay,” there’s another pause and Luke almost hangs up before she’s speaking again, “Give our love to the boys, won’t you? And– I– Well, good luck for the show, love.”

“I– Yeah, yeah I will. Bye ma.” He pulls the phone away but not before he catches the faint ‘I love you’ before he hangs up. Luke throws himself backwards onto the cheap hotel bed, tossing his phone to the side, covering his face with his hands and letting out a groan.

The boys always leave him alone for the phone call with his parents, but he knows they’ll be back soon. The longest they’ve lasted on the phone is half an hour. They made it to fifteen minutes this month which means they should be back in at least ten.

He’s just wondering if maybe he should go find them when his phone vibrates where he flung it and he searches for it with one hand. He opens the notification without really looking and is greeted with Julie’s smiling face as her and Flynn hold slices of pizza up, he glances at the text underneath and feels himself smiling. ‘ _Promise we’ll have a slice for the three of you x_ ’

> _Dear Julie,_
> 
> _Do you have a favourite type of cheese? How many times have you watched Dirty Dancing? If there was one thing you could do differently, what would it be? How do you feel about skittles and m &m’s being mixed together? Cats or dogs? Did you ever finish reading the Twilight books? What band would you kill so see live? ~~Do you love me back?~~_
> 
> _Love always,_
> 
> _Luke._

_‘Dear Julie_ ,’ It was how he started all of these little letters of his. He never quite knows what’s going to follow those two little words until his pen hits the page.

Writing letters is different to writing songs or to having a diary. They’re both more personal and not at all. It’s probably something to do with the fact Luke always burns them after they’re written. Personal, because he’s the only one to ever read them, not so personal because tries to forget them too.

He’s written six letters so far. Six letters since they had left on tour two months ago and Julie had gone to college. Six letters he had burnt on some random street in some random city in some random state.

He’d only ever meant to write one.

He writes about his day sometimes, the boring and mundane things that he does and sees. Sometimes it’s just a letter full of questions, all the things he wants to ask but can’t ever seem to bring himself to. Sometimes, most of the time, it’s all the feelings and hopes and dreams he’s scared to say out loud.

Not that it really matters, because the letters all get destroyed and he can sometimes make it a whole week before he’s tearing a page from his notebook and writing another letter. That goes into a fire as well.

Luke doesn’t know why he keeps doing it. Writing the letters, destroying the letters, texting Julie like normal, hanging out with the guys like nothing is strange. It’s not like he’s ever had any intention of sending them.

But there’s something cathartic, he guesses, about folding up the sheet of paper, slipping it into an envelope, scrawling Julie’s name across the front and then watching it burn. A bit like how his feelings always seem to be burning through him, hot and dangerous and all consuming. He likes to watch as the white paper burns up, crumbles under the flames.

It’s what he imagines would happen to their friendship if he ever told Julie the truth about his feelings. Everything would crumble and burn to the ground and they’d be left in ashes, but nothing would be raising out of them.

Because she was Julie Molina. She was a star, a wrecking ball of talent and light. She was his best friend and could do so much better than him. _Deserved_ so much better than him. Someone who was still stuck in an old van, being an opening band for people who didn’t even care about music all that much, someone who’s life was a mess and couldn’t seem to get it together enough for a monthly phone call with his parents.

Julie deserves only the best, and Luke knew that wasn’t him. So he’d keep writing his letters and burning them and in two months, when they got home and Julie was back for Christmas it would be like nothing was different.

> _Dear Julie,_
> 
> _You’re hanging out with Nick again I see. Which makes sense. You’ve always liked him, right? Flynn used to always tease you about your crush, it was funny, you’d get all flustered and stuttery and say something completely out of left field._
> 
> _Is it weird that I’m jealous? Of the two of you hanging out, going on a date? It’s not like we’re anything to each but friends, right? Best friends, with unrequited love on one end. Jesus fuck I sound like some cliche film._
> 
> _You know you can do better than him right? Nick, he’s cool and everything, sweet, really. But Julie, fuck Julie you deserve someone who’s always going to pick you first. Who’s going to see you for the amazing talented beautiful star that you are. And Nick, I’ve heard him try to compliment you. He never even makes it past ‘you look nice’._
> 
> _And it’s not like I think you should pick me. ~~Even though I do, i so fucking do.~~ I’m just this– it’s like, if we were two paintings in a gallery, you’d be the one surrounded by rope and a security guard to make sure no one got too close. I’d be that painting in the back, maybe with a plexiglass case if I’m lucky. _
> 
> _I guess what I mean is. Don’t settle for a Nick, who only noticed you after a Carrie. You deserve so much more and better than that Jules._
> 
> _Love always,_
> 
> _Luke._

Really, it’s his own fault for scrolling through instagram so much. But there really wasn’t much else to do in their hotel room because the tv was broken and he was stuck on the second verse of a song and Alex had gone to try and find them some food and Reggie was listening to some audiobook. So he was left with instagram.

He’s mindlessly scrolling, double tapping on band photos and old friends from school who are out living their supposed best lives. And then there’s a photo of Julie, smiling that perfect smile, she’s sitting on a bench and then there’s Nick sitting next to her, with an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close for the selfie.

His thumb hover over the photo, over Nick’s face to be exact, before he carefully scrolls down to read the caption. It’s nothing exciting or dramatic. It’s barely even a full sentence. ‘ _Best day with one of the best._ ’ And really, Luke can’t find anything in that to be angry about because it’s true. Julie is one of the best, possibly _the_ best, but he might be a little biased on that.

Yet he finds himself feeling irrationally angry about it. Or maybe he’s just jealous. Luke frowns at the photo, moving his thumb off the screen and back, covering Nick’s face and uncovering it. Jealous or angry it doesn’t matter. Julie isn’t his, and even if she was it still wouldn’t matter because she was her own person. She could hang out with whoever she wanted. Date whoever she wanted.

Were they on a date? He frowns at the screen again, trying to figure out where they are, what they might have been doing. The hotel room door banging open saves him from doing anything stupid, like stalking through Nick’s profile and tagged locations and Julie’s messages to see if there was any hidden hints that she was going on a date with Nick.

“I got salmon fish cakes. Don’t pull that face it was the only thing I could find that sorta resembled healthy food,” Alex says, holding up the brown paper bag in the air and pointing a finger at Luke, who had actually been pulling a face at a photo of Nick posing in front of a palm tree, but Alex didn’t need to know that.

“Just fish cakes or is there something with it?” Reggie pipes up and Luke hadn’t even noticed when he’d pulled his head phones off.

“Salad,” the three of them look at each other, Luke blinks at Alex who lasts only a second longer before sighing, “And fries. God your mom is gonna kill us if she ever finds out what our diet is like.”

“At least we’re drinking the recommended amount of water!” Reggie holds up his plastic bottle, fingers tapping along the markers with a grin.

“Dude, it’s meant to be a day, not a week. We’re so not meeting the water requirements,” Luke groans, already pulling out one of the take out boxes from the bag Alex has placed on the bed. He doesn’t think about instagram or Nick or Julie possibly on a date for the rest of the night, or much the next day either. He’s much too preoccupied with discovering he’s allergic to _salmon_.

> _Dear Julie,_
> 
> _So. Reggie caught me writing that last letter. Honestly, I’m kinda surprised I’ve managed to get away with all this for so long without either of them catching me._
> 
> _Alex thinks it’s pretty funny. Reggie does too, but he at least didn’t laugh out loud. They say I’m being stupid. Writing you letters that I’ll never send, which, yeah, I_ know _that. But it helps. Writing to you. Knowing that I can say whatever I want and it won’t matter because you’ll never read them. You all know I’m better at writing out my feelings then speaking them. This just doesn't involve a guitar._
> 
> _Anyway, Alex and Reggie know so I guess I don’t have to sneak out to burn them anymore. Not sure how Alex is gonna feel about a fire in the bathroom sink though._
> 
> _Love always,_
> 
> _Luke._

Honestly, the hangover he feels the day after the boys find out isn’t that bad, even the teasing he gets from Reggie and Alex all morning isn’t _that_ bad. It’s all the gloating that’s the worst. He’s pretty sure he saw some money be exchanged between them but Luke was far too drunk to fully observe anything. He’s surprised the letter he wrote was even somewhat legible. At least, Reggie tells him it was somewhat legible. Apparently it was just the same words over and over again.

It’s a few days later, and Luke’s had his monthly phone call with his parents and then proceeded to take out his frustrations on stage by screaming lyrics and jumping too high. They’re loading their stuff into the back of the van, sweat still damp on their skin and minds still buzzing with adrenaline. It’s then that Alex decides to address the letter situation.

“Are you ever gonna tell her?”

Luke almost drops the cymbal he’s holding at the question, his head whipping around to look at Alex with wide eyes.

“Maybe, I don’t know.” It’s clearly not the answer that either of them want or were expecting if the look they shoot each other is anything to go by.

“Why not?” Reggie puts down the guitar case he was carrying, crosses his arms on top and leans a little closer to Luke who suddenly feels like he’s being interrogated.

“Because she doesn’t feel the same way, she just thinks of me as a friend, I’m not about to make everything awkward. I love her, yeah, but I’m not about to ruin our friendship by saying anything,” it’s the most obvious answer to Luke. Julie means too much to him, to them, he’s not about to destroy something important.

Alex opens his mouth but closes it just as quickly, his eyebrows shooting up into his hair and Luke doesn’t miss the way that Reggie shrugs helplessly at him. Luke gets the distinct feeling that he’s missing something here, some part of the conversation or a previous conversation or _something_ , but he doesn’t know what.

“Sometimes Luke, you can be so fucking stupid.” Is all Alex says, patting him on the shoulder as he moves past him with one of his drums to put in the van, Luke just blinks, his mouth opening in a silent ‘o’ and his brow furrowing in confusion.

> _Dear Julie,_
> 
> _We get home tomorrow. And you’ll already be home. So I guess this is my last letter. I’m gonna kind of miss talking to you like this, which is weird, given I never actually posted any of them. But they’ve helped, y’know? For me to figure things out._
> 
> _See, I think I’ve always been a little in love with you Julie. And it ~~kind of~~ totally scared the shit out of me. Because loving someone, anyone, let alone you, like this, it’s so much. It’s like. God I don’t even know. It’s like you could just smile at me and my day will be 10x better. _
> 
> _That’s kinda wild right?_
> 
> _But I’m not really scared of it anymore. Of these great big feelings I have for you. Because they make sense. Loving you is so fucking easy. The boys say I should just tell you, like they know something I don’t._
> 
> _But I don’t think I can. Not yet at least. Because if you don’t love me back, the way I love you, then that’s fine. But I don’t think I can deal with that kinda heart break just yet._
> 
> _I hope that’s okay. That I just live in my little bubble of denial and dreams for a little while longer. I’ll let you pop it at some point. Just, not yet._
> 
> _I’ll tell you one day, I promise._
> 
> _I love you._
> 
> _Love always,_
> 
> _Luke._

It’s late when they pull up to their apartment, their horrible, wonderful van seeming to let out a sigh of relief as Reggie pulls the key from the ignition and the three of them sit in silence for a moment. They made good time, got home quicker than any of them had anticipated so Luke’s last letter feels heavy in his jeans pocket where he’d tucked it. He’ll burn it when they’ve unloaded the van and he’s alone in his room.

The three of them are tired, from touring, from being on the road all day, from not having had a proper meal in four months. So it takes them a lot longer than any of them are willing to admit for them to unload everything and all retreat to their rooms with nothing but a goodnight between them.

All Luke wants to do is take off his jeans, curl up in his bed and sleep for the next twelve hours. But he’s got one last letter he needs to burn, to send off into the abyss so he can breath and face Julie tomorrow with a clear head and no ulterior motives when he hugs her tight.

There’s an almost burnt out candle on his window sill and Luke puts the letter in carefully, his messy handwriting facing up and he strikes the match, watching the flame stutter to life before holding it to the paper and letting it catch. He watches the flames lick across the page, the soft oranges and yellows merging together until he has to squint to make out vague letters. It looks like they’re glowing, purple and gold and red illuminating the words, and then it’s gone. The paper starts crumbling and there’s nothing but ash and the wick of a dying candle.

Luke crawls into bed and sleeps.

//

Before he even reaches the doors of the studio Luke can hear someone pacing and muttering inside. He pauses just to the side, tilting his head to try and decipher what the person is saying. It’s Julie, that much he knows for sure.

No one else mutters out loud like that, in Spanish and with just a hint of annoyance in their tone. Alex just paces, Reggie sits still, Carlos taps his foot while only saying swear words in Spanish and Flynn taps on the piano while she thinks out loud too quickly for people to keep up. But pacing and annoyed Spanish? That’s Julie. It makes Luke smile.

He pushes the doors open and catches her turned away, mid-step and mid-sentence. She doesn’t seem to have noticed him yet so Luke takes the chance to take her in. Her hair is down, curls going past her shoulders and swishing as she moves.

And see, Luke doesn’t know much about clothes, but he knows for a fact that the navy blue jumper she has on, hanging just above her knees and pushed up her arms, is his. His heart feels like it skips a beat and he has to blink quickly to keep himself in the moment. She’s worn his clothes before, of course, but there’s something different about this that just seems to hit him differently. Seems like his stupid letters didn’t help all that much after all.

For a split second Luke wonders if he’s got time to step back outside, take in a breath of cold December air and come back in again with a clear head, but in that split second Julie turns around, ready to start pacing back towards the door when she freezes.

“Luke!” Her eyes widen as she looks at him, her mouth open and hands raised in the air almost as if _he’s_ caught _her_ doing something, when he’s pretty sure it should be the other way round. They stand frozen on opposite sides of the garage for two whole heartbeats before they’re both moving again and Luke is wrapping his arms around her waist and hers are around his neck and he’s holding her as tight as he dares.

“I missed you,” he whispers it into her hair, almost hoping she won’t hear it. But Julie’s always had shockingly good hearing and she squeezes him tight in response. He can feel her breath on his neck and it’s then that he realises she must be on her tiptoes to hug him like this and he gently lets her go, letting her rock back onto her heels and smiles.

“Was I interrupting something here?” He teases, gesturing to the room and the path she had been walking back and forth. He expects her to laugh, make some sort of joke. Instead she bites her lip and avoids his eyes.

“Julie? Is something wrong?” He wracks his brain, trying to remember if she’d mentioned anything but he’s coming up blank. When they’d been texting earlier nothing had seemed wrong, and it had only been a few hours.

“No, nothings wrong. It’s um–” she frowns, eyes looking everywhere but at him and Luke ducks his head to try and catch her eyes, reaches out to touch her shoulder.

“You can tell me anything, you know that, right?”

She looks at him then, wide brown eyes and Luke sucks in a breath when he notices that she’s close to crying, but she’s not crying and she’s searching his face for something, though he doesn’t know what. She must find it though because Julie nods once, and takes in a breath.

“I’ve been getting letters. For the last four months. Randomly. Just, sort of appearing on my desk, a little burnt around the edges,” she’s still looking at him and Luke has to remind himself to breathe because he’s not sure he is right now.

_Letters. Burnt. Randomly. Four months. Oh **fuck**._

“Julie I–” And Luke stops, mouth opening and closing, he’s not sure what to say. His mind feels like it’s started running a marathon without him and he’s trying desperately to catch up. Not that he thinks it’s possible to catch up at this point. How the hell did she get his letters? His letters that he _watched_ burn up in fifteen different towns?

“Okay we should– yeah come on, let’s sit down.” Julie takes his hand that had been resting on her arm and gently starts to pull him towards the couch before pushing him on to it and sitting next to him. Dimly, Luke realises that she’s still holding his hand, but at the same moment he realises that he also notices his fucking letters on the table in front of them. Edges burnt and slightly smudged sure, but mostly definitely his.

“Fuck.” He didn’t quite mean to say that out loud, but it startles a laugh out of Julie which is enough to pull Luke back to the moment. To the woman sitting next to him, holding his hand, thumb brushing across his knuckles as she watches him carefully, to the letters on the table.

“How…” he trails off, gesturing helplessly with his free hand at them.

“I don’t know,” Julie shrugs at him, shaking her head helplessly in return as if it’s a question that has bothered her for months. Four months, if Luke was to hazard a guess. “They just started showing up. Tucked into the book I was reading or on my desk or on top of my laptop. All folded and with my name on. I thought they were a joke at first, that Flynn or Carlos were pulling some super extreme prank. I asked them both and they had no idea and I believed them. And well, there’s only one person I know with handwriting as terrible as yours so, I um I kinda assumed they were real.” Julie bites her lip again, eyes glancing over at the letters.

“Which still doesn’t explain _how_ they showed up in my room,” she shrugs, looking back at him with a small smile that Luke returns automatically, “And honestly, it kinda hurts my head to try and work it out. I’m perfectly happy to believe in some sort of magic fire postal service and call it a day.”

“Magic fire postal service?” Luke asks in disbelief, eyebrows raising as he fights back a smile. Julie huffs out a laugh, untangling their hands to push at his shoulders.

“Shut up, have you got a better explanation?”

And well, no, no he didn’t. A magical fire postal service was as good an explanation as any. Luke blows out a breath as he shakes his head, brow furrowing as he looks at them and he can’t help but brush his fingers across them. His stupid letters full of feelings that no one was ever supposed to see.

“Did you mean it? Everything you um, everything you said in them?”

Luke’s head snaps up to look at Julie as she says her question quietly, and she’s avoiding his eyes again. Looking down at her hands, twisting her fingers together and her leg shaking. Whenever he’d pictured telling her how he felt, it had never been like this. In a cold studio, feeling untethered while Julie was a picture of anxious nerves waiting to bubble over. But, she’d read the letters. No point delaying the truth now, he supposed.

“Every single word,” now it’s Luke’s turn to shrug helplessly at her with a small smile. He might have just ruined their entire friendship, but might as well go all in. “And I know you probably don’t, and that’s fine! Like, there’s no expectations here, I obviously didn’t expect you to ever read those. But it’s out there now and well, yeah. I love you.”

Julie just looks at him, her mouth partly open and her eyes searching his, and those damn unshed tears are back and _fuck_ he’s really ruined this.

“You– wait,” Julie frowns at him, seems to realises something and then rolls her eyes, shaking her head once before hitting him on the arm.

“Hey!” He leans back, clutching his bicep as he eyes her wearily, this really wasn’t in any of the reactions he had ever pictured.

“God you really can be so _dumb_ sometimes Luke,” she groans, looking at up the ceiling and letting out a shallow breath that sounds almost like a laugh and well, Luke is just plain confused now. “I love you. I’ve– fuck I think I’ve probably loved you for a long time and just never realised it. I just never thought that you’d– that the two of us– that.” Julie can’t seem to find the end of her sentence, but that doesn’t matter.

Because all Luke can hear is that ‘ _I love you_ ’ repeating over and over in his ears. Julie has one hand in her hair, while the other is waving in the air and Luke is pretty sure she’s still talking, but his mind is still focused on those three words so he leans forward, catching her hand in the air and lacing their fingers together and then he’s kissing her. Carefully, gently, slowly, lips moving over each other and he pulls back just a little so he can look at her eyes.

“You love me?” He asks, lips ticking up in an almost smile and he can feel her breath brushing against his lips as she answer.

“I love you.”

Then he’s kissing her again. They’ve only kissed twice now, but Luke is fairly certain he could spend the rest of his life kissing her like this. Slowly and softly. Then Julie’s hand is out of her hair and it’s threading through his, pulling just a little and Luke nips at her bottom lip and he can feel her smiling against him, and yeah okay. Luke could happily spend the rest of his life kissing Julie in any way she wanted.

They break apart to catch their breaths, lips a little swollen, hair a mess and cheeks just a little flushed.

“Say it,” Julie’s looking at him with her head tilted to the side with a quizzical look on her face.

“Julie Molina, I love you. I’m so fucking in love with you, even some magical fire postal service felt the need to get involved.”

The brightest smile stretches across her face, pulling her lips up and lighting up her eyes and he was right, when he wrote that Julie’s smile could make any day 10x better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this really got away from me somewhere around the time i decided to write all fifteen letters in a separate word doc. but also, i actually kinda really like it?? idk it was fun to write at least. I might do a second chapter from julies pov, and with the other 8 letters? idk we'll see how i feel. 
> 
> also. I shall explain my magic fire postal service when the japt writes explain ghost magic to me. so until then pls just make up your own rules for it sdhfjk
> 
> anyway!!!  
> i hope you're all staying safe in these hard times.  
> hope you enjoyed! comments and kudos are appreciated!! mwah xox  
> you can also find me on [tumblr](https://tangledstarlight.tumblr.com/)!


	2. dear luke...

The first letter she found was lying on her desk, a small square with her name scrawled in messy script and smelling like smoke. It hadn’t been there when she’d left to get a drink ten minutes earlier, but Flynn had just left so it was entirely possible her friend had left it for her to find, she supposed.

Setting her glass down Julie picked it up, turning it over and coughing a little as the smell of smoke filled her mouth. Had Flynn burnt it by mistake? But it wasn’t Flynn’s handwriting, that she knew for a fact. There was only one person in her life who had writing as terrible as this, but that just raised more questions. Because Luke and Alex and Reggie had left a few days ago for their tour.

Should she open it? Julie bit her lip, tiling the folded sheet, eyes going from her name to the singed edges.

Well, it _was_ addressed to her. Maybe he’d left it with Flynn, asked her to give it to her before he’d gone? That would make sense.

It’s not a long letter. And parts of it are crossed out, and there's little doodles around the edges, under his name, streaks of soot like tiny hands had tried to dust it away. Julie and Luke have been writing together for a while now, and even before that, they’d been partnered for several projects in school, so she prided herself on being able to read his awful writing.

But the things written here, the words, the declarations, the pure honest truth, it was like reading in a foreign language and all of sudden her worldview is being tilted.

As she read it and read it again parts jumped out at her, ‘ _no intentions of sending this letter_ ’ and ‘ _then I’m going to burn it_ ’ and ‘ _I’m in love with you_ ’ and ‘ _love always, Luke_ ’.

Julie doesn’t know when she sat down on the floor, but she’s glad of it because her legs feel weak and her heart is beating a million miles an hour.

He loves her? Luke, sweet, caring and kind and popular and way out of her league, Luke, loves her? She reads the letter again, slower this time, taking in each word carefully, trying to work out if it’s really his writing or if maybe one of the boys is trying to pull a prank. But his ‘i’s and ‘t’s’ always blend together and he still curls his ‘f’s like they learnt in elementary.

So it’s his handwriting and his honest feelings and him saying he never has any intention of her reading this letter. Yet here she sits on her bedroom floor, back against her bed and a half burnt love letter in her hands.

The only explanation she can come to is that Flynn found it somewhere and left it on her desk, maybe he dropped it by mistake? And Flynn, being the wonderful friend that she is, had picked it up and put it where she knew Julie would see it, not realising the emotional spiral she was about to launch.

Julie reads the letter again, fingers brushing over his name as she mouths the words. One of her best friends is in love with her. Well _fuck_.

> _Dear Julie,_
> 
> _I’m in love with you. Isn’t that just the craziest fucking thing?_
> 
> _I love you. I love you. I love you._
> 
> _Maybe one day when I’m not so scared I might even tell you._
> 
> _Love always,_
> 
> _Luke._

It’s the fourth letter that she finds, this time tucked between the pages of _Stardust_ and she swears at the smudges of ash that it leaves on the book as she pulls it out, blowing the specks of black away carefully. This letter feels different and it takes Julie a while to realise it’s because it’s still _warm_ , as if it had been pulled from the flames seconds ago and someone had extinguished it quickly enough to save the words written down.

By this point, and after questioning both Flynn and Carlos to the point of concern (she’d used the second letter as evidence because it was the least out there about feelings and emotions but neither of them had seen it before and Carlos was a terrible liar), Julie has decided that either someone is breaking into their apartment and leaving the letters while her back is turned or there’s some sort of magic involved.

Because neither Flynn or Carlos had ever seen any of the previous letters and even if they had, it was a cruel sort of trick to play on someone. Love letters from your best friend who seemed convinced she didn’t feel the same way.

Which really, that was just typical Luke.

He could spot Alex having an anxiety attack before anyone else, he knew just when Flynn had one too many sodas, he remembered everyones birthdays and coffee orders. But being able to tell when someone was head over heels in love with them? Not a clue.

So magic. That was one of her options here, and it was one she was yet to voice out loud because it sounded pretty damn crazy. Though perhaps not as crazy as the idea of someone breaking in to leave her letters? God all the possible conclusions were sounding mad to her right now. About as mad as Luke thinking she didn’t love him.

Julie rolled her eyes, unfolding the letter and failed to bite back a smile as she read the words.

“I think we should get takeout tonight what do- what are you smiling at?” Flynn’s voice cuts through the silence of her room and Julie is snapping her head up, trying to wipe the silly giddy smile off her face but it’s obviously too late because Flynn is moving across the room and trying to look at her letter.

“It’s nothing! It’s- I-” Julie bites her lip, trying to close her book on the letter but Flynn has two fingers between the pages and is inching it out slowly.

“Is it one of those letters you keep getting?” She asks, brushing her braids over her shoulder with one hand and it’s enough to distract Julie who loosens her grip on the book so Flynn can finally pull the letter free.

“Hey!” Julie pouts, tries her best to impersonate Luke and his wide puppy dog eyes that let him get away with so much, but Flynn isn’t even looking at her, her attention focused solely on the letter and it’s burnt edges.

“So they all just show up slightly burnt?” She asked, turning the page around and she’s obviously not read what it says yet because Julie knows there would be a bigger reaction so she just nods, chewing on her bottom lip and drawing her eyebrows together.

“This- holy shit Jules.” And now she’s reading it, deciphering Luke’s chicken scratch and announcement, her eyes are wide, lips parted and for a moment Julie isn’t sure what she’s going to do. Flynn’s known about her slight-minor-small crush on Luke for way longer then Julie has known about it and has made it one of her life goals to tease her endlessly over it all.

Her lips pull into a wide smile and then Flynn is pushing the book out of Julie’s hands to pull her up until they’re both standing on her bed and jumping.

It feels like they’re in high school again, celebrating a good grade or dancing along to too loud music. And Julie lets herself smile and laugh with her best friend because the person she loves loves her too and yeah, there’s the whole strange letters and two months left of a tour and how he doesn’t seem to want to tell her. But none of that matters right now, she’ll deal with it later.

Plus, Flynn is a genius and will probably have a better explanation for it all then Julie and her growing suspicions of a magical fire postal service run by fairies.

> _Dear Julie,_
> 
> _So, what’s it like in New York city? ~~I’ve always wanted to ask someone that. I know it doesn't really work, because you’re only there for something to do with school, not forever, but still. I’m seeing my chance and I’m taking it. I might even text you it. In fact, I’m going to text you right now, because it’s a funny reference.~~_
> 
> _~~I miss you, which seems really stupid because I only saw you like an hour ago on my phone. Time is so weird. We go from seeing each other nearly every day to nothing. Do you miss me? God that sounds sad, even for me.~~ _
> 
> ~~~~I hope you like New York. Maybe we’ll get to go together sometime.
> 
> _Love always,_
> 
> _Luke._

It’s Flynn who finds the fifth letter, propped against the mirror in their hotel bathroom and the loud squeal she makes echoes out to where Julie is lying on the bed, scrolling through twitter.

“So they really do just, like, poof into existence wherever they feel like it, huh?” She comes out of the bathroom, waving the letter in the air and Julie catches sight of ash floating to the ground before her eyes go back to the letter, a smile already pulling at her lips.

Locking her phone, she kneels on the bed and reaches out, hands making grabby motions at Flynn who rolls her eyes but is grinning too.

There’s been a weird sort of giddy excitement in the air, ever since Flynn had caught her reading letter number four and Julie had confessed and showed her the rest, it was like they’d been holding their breath, waiting for a fifth one to show up.

It was nice, to not have to keep it a secret anymore. Julie hated lying to Flynn and it only had a little to do with the fact that she was terrible at it. Maybe that was why this letter had shown up in an obvious place, out in the open, her little fairy postal workers knew they didn’t have to keep it on the down low anymore. (Flynn had yet to come up with a better explanation then Julie’s magical fire postal service(tm) so right now it was still their best bet. It was only a little better then the idea of someone breaking into wherever she was sleeping.)

“He must have written it yesterday,” Julie mummers, eyes squinting as she tries to make out all the words that Luke has crossed out. Which is half the letter.

“What’s he saying?” Flynn, getting impatient, jumps on the bed next to Julie who wobbles, almost falling only to be saved by Flynn wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close, resting her chin on Julie's shoulder and trying to read the letter.

“God, your boy really does have the worst handwriting,” Flynn wrinkles her nose as she says it, tilting her head as if a different angle will help.

“He’s not ‘ _my_ ’ anything,” she huffs but even Julie can tell it’s half hearted as her eyes don’t leave the letter.

He had facetimed her yesterday afternoon, her and Flynn had been in the middle of getting ready for their trip to broadway (the whole reason they were in New York in the first place, thank you college), and Luke had kept them company via phone while they finished their hair and perfected eyeliner and helped to pick out lipstick.

Julie had been worried about talking to him again after the first letter, everyone was always telling her she was the worst at hiding her emotions and thoughts, it was why she was a terrible liar, everything was apparently always written on her face.

But she also thought she’d always been unfairly obvious about how she felt about Luke and turns out he really had no idea – she also hadn’t noticed how _he_ felt about _her_ but that wasn’t the point here, Luke was clearly the most oblivious of the two of them and Julie would argue that with anyone.

The second she had pressed accept on the call Luke’s voice had echoed around the room, singing the open lines of _Hey There Delilah_ , but changing it to her name and smiling that stupid crooked smile of his. She was lucky Flynn had been standing next to her, otherwise Julie might have blurted out that she loved him right then and there.

Which, would have been embarrassing. And there was the fact that Luke clearly didn’t want her to know how he felt, and Julie was okay with respecting that. Plus, a love confession over facetime didn’t exactly scream romance.

If Luke had noticed anything off about her, how she was acting, whatever emotions were playing across her face, he didn’t comment on it. It was only an hour later, when they were all saying goodbye and Julie was hanging up that Flynn had shook her head, muttering something that sounded a lot like ‘ _idiots, the both of you, i’m going to send my monthly therapy bill to your address._ ’ And yeah okay, that might be fair.

> _Dear Julie,_
> 
> _We had a free day today, the first of the whole tour, so we went exploring. Our first mistake might have been letting Reggie lead us, but by the time we realised we were lost it was too late._
> 
> _Did you know he could speak German? Me and Alex sure didn’t. But we ran into this family from Germany, I think they were lost too?_
> 
> _Either way, they had this full blown conversation with Reg in German and then we all just went on our way like it was nothing. Like that hadn’t just happened. That Reg hadn’t just broken out a whole other language. It was wild. ~~I wonder if we can incorporate it into a song?~~_
> 
> _Anyway, we wandered around the whole town, it was cool. Getting lost, not worrying about anything much. There was this cool little thrift shop we found and there was this butterfly necklace that I saw and it just. It just screamed your name at me. I’ll add it to the collection of mugs and keychains we’ve been collecting for you when we get back. ~~God, I hope you like it~~. _
> 
> _Kinda wish you were with us though. It would have made the day even better._
> 
> _Love always,_
> 
> _Luke._

The day after she got back from New York Julie went to target and bought a pack of fifty envelops, – she wasn’t sure how many of these letters she was going to get and it was better to be over prepared, thank you tia for that life lesson – they only had purple ones left, which suited her just fine.

It wasn’t until the seventh letter showed up that she finally found the chance to sit down and start replying to them. It just felt like the right thing to do. When someone sends you a letter you reply to it, right? It was the polite thing to do. She wasn’t sure if that applied to love letters, even less if it applied to _magically_ delivered love letters. But Julie was nothing if not polite.

So she started replying to them.

Her letters weren’t any longer then Lukes, and when she was done, she folded the page in half and half again, slipped it into an envelope, wrote Luke’s name on the front and then put them in her dream box.

Luke had clearly made the mistake of invoke the fire postal service and Julie wasn’t about to make the same mistake. She was perfectly happy with keeping her perfectly requited love to herself for a little while longer.

For less then two months to be exact.

She was pretty sure she could come up with some sort of action plan by the time he was back.

> _Dear Julie,_
> 
> _Found out I was allergic to salmon today. I know I already talked to you on facetime for like, three hours after the hospital. But how fucking crazy is that, huh? Twenty-one years on this earth and I’ve only just found out._
> 
> _Wild. Alex is gonna hate it when he has to start carrying around two EpiPens. Wonder if Reg is allergic to anything?_
> 
> _Love always,_
> 
> _Luke._

Her phone starts ringing at just after one in the morning and if she hadn’t still been awake and rewatching episodes of _Bake Off_ she might have been a little pissed. But Reggie’s smiling face is lighting up her screen and she’s honestly never been able to stay upset at him.

“This better be good Reg, I was about to go to sleep,” she pushes her glasses up as she frowns at her phone screen. All she can see is a the back of someones head and what she’s pretty sure is a leg. Had he _accidentally_ facetimed her? “Reggie?”

“Juuulie!” The voice that sings out her name isn’t Reggie’s but she’d know it anywhere just the same. There’s the sound of shuffling, the leg then suddenly has a foot and the back of the head is turning until she can see half of Luke’s face and part of Alex, though they’re both upside down.

“Are you guys drunk?” She asks, already shaking her head in faint amusement when the camera shakes and suddenly Luke and Alex are the right way up and Reggie is there too, slotting himself into the vacant space between the boys. Barely a second passes before Luke is resting his head on Reggie’s shoulder and grinning at her, wide and unrestrained with his eyes a little unfocused.

“Nah, Luke-y here is on some pain meds.” Reggie says it lightly, tilting the phone down to so she can only see Luke’s face before going back up so she can see all three of them.

“What?” Her brows pull together, lips parting as she fights back a wave of panic. He’s clearly fine. If he wasn’t, Reggie and Alex would be making a much bigger deal out of this.

“We found out that Luke is allergic to salmon the hard way,” Alex supplies, leaning forward to roll his eyes at her, but it does exactly what he meant for it to do. Calm her down, stop her worries.

“Oh god that’s– Wait,” Julie frowns again, as she looks between the three of them which is a little hard given they’re only a few inches tall on her screen. “If he had an allergic reaction how come they gave him pain meds? I thought it was an EpiPen or whatever?”

“Fell over.” Now that he’s said more then just her name Julie can tell that he’s not drunk, his words might be a little slurred but there wasn’t that same energy that usually accompanied them. “Still think Alex pushed me.”

“I did not push you! I was gently guiding you out of the door as you complained about not being able to breath, it’s hardly _my_ fault if you fall on the ground!”

They go back and forth like that for a while, Luke not seeming to care that all of his arguments were illogical and Alex too caught up in the moment to realise arguing with someone on pain meds was never going to end on his side. Reggie chimes in with the occasional comment and eye witness report and Julie laughs, smiles at their thought processes and silently thanks whoever or whatever that they were in her life.

> _Dear Julie,_
> 
> _i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you_
> 
> _God, i’m so glad I can burn this one. It’s kind of pathetic, huh? And cliche. A drunken love letter. Ha. A drunken love letter. Is that a good song title or am I just too drunk? Maybe I’ll ask Alex._
> 
> _Love always,_
> 
> _Luke._

Julie doesn’t know when she first realised she _liked_ liked Luke. If she’d really thought about it her mind would wander back to a Wednesday morning in junior year when she’d walked into maths and Luke had taken one look at her face and made up some terrible excuse that got them out of the lesson (their teacher had known exactly what Luke was doing, but everyone was still giving her leeway and no one commented). They’d gone to the music room and he’d distracted her with dramatic and awful versions of _One Direction_ songs until the bell rang.

She had a lot of bad days the year after her mom died, and everyone around her dealt with it differently. Treated her with kid gloves and were over sympathetic and considerate, everyone watched her with careful sad eyes as she failed again and again to play music.

Luke had tried to get her to play once, just once in that whole year, and when she’d said she just couldn’t, he’d not pushed.

But if Julie was being honest with herself, she’d liked Luke for a lot longer then that. It was kind of hard _not_ to like Luke, and she had really, _really_ , tried not to like him. They’d been partnered up for a freshman year science project and when it was over, when Julie was _so_ sure he’d wave and they’d go back to just occasionally saying hi in the hallways, Luke had gone and surprised her by becoming a permanent fixture in her life.

You didn’t get to pick if Luke Patterson was in your life, Luke Patterson picked you and refused to budge.

Which meant their two friendship groups merged into one. It might have been poetic, friendships groups combining, y’know? If Julie’s friends hadn’t been kinda opinionated and a little weird. If Luke’s friends hadn’t shared a braincell between them and we’re way to loud. When they combined all that together it just resulted in chaos.

The best kind of chaos.

It's probably why it took her so long to realise that she liked him, let alone that she loved him.

Because falling in love with Luke was both slow and happened all at once. Because he was always there when she needed him, and gave her space when she asked for it. He always got her a muffin when he went by the little bakery to the gym and hyped up her music even more then her dad. Because there hadn’t been a single day since they’d become friends that he hadn’t managed to make her smile, even a little bit.

So yeah. She loved him, had loved him for years without realising. A hadn’t noticed he loved her back, apparently.

Now she just needed to work out what to do about it all.

> _Dear Julie,_
> 
> _As predicted, Alex didn’t like the idea of a fire in the bathroom sink. He made me go outside to burn it, which seemed a little mean given it was raining._
> 
> _It’s funny, y’know, because I was thinking the other day about how this is probably the longest in our whole friendship that we’ve not physically seen each other? Not hung out. I never really thought that four months was a long time, but fuck it’s felt like a whole life time Jules._
> 
> _And we’ve still got a whole month to go. Next time, you should come with us. Screw school, you don’t need a degree. You’d have a recording contract after one performance at Eats &Beats. Or you know, you could finally take us up on our offer and join the band. Sunset Curve always has a spot for you. We’d be unstoppable. Even your dad would agree. You know he loves us. Think about it, huh?_
> 
> _Love always,_
> 
> _Luke._

“So,” Alex’s voice seems to hang in the air between them, which is pretty impressive given he’s hundreds of miles away and this is a phone call. There’s a million different thoughts running through Julie’s mind as the silence stretches on, because she’s not sure how to reply to ‘so’ or what he even means.

“So?” She asks, because the silence is starting to make her itch and she shifts uncomfortably in her chair.

“Did you and Nick go on a date?” Reggie’s voice comes out of nowhere and Julie can’t help the small gasp of surprises.

“Reg!” Alex sounds annoyed, and she can very clearly picture him glaring at the bassist, eyebrows raising as Reggie would just shrug. There’s a few seconds of silence before Alex says, “Did you?”

Julie frowns, glancing around the mostly empty library and back down at her laptop before shutting it and letting out a sigh. This sounds like it’s gonna be a Conversation with a capital C.

“Why does it matter if I did?” She hadn’t, but she didn’t like the idea of them judging her if she had. She was single, she could date whoever she wanted. It wasn’t like she was supposed to know about Luke and his feelings. Oh god, they knew about Luke and his feelings, but did they know about her feelings for Luke?

“It doesn’t!” Alex is quick to jump in and she can hear them moving the phone on their end, probably putting it on speaker, she thinks. “Lu- We just wondered, y’know, because of that photo on instagram the other week. The two of you looked...cosy.”

Julie doesn’t miss the way he almost says Luke and also doesn’t miss the hesitation before the word cosy. She had almost forgotten about that photo and the day it was taken. Carrie had been back for a weekend and they’d all arranged to meet up for food, it had been a nice afternoon that had promptly been forgotten because she’d gotten a facetime at one in the morning because Luke was allergic to salmon.

“It wasn’t a date. Carrie and Flynn and Kayla where there too, we went for food,” she laughs, rolling her eyes even though they can’t see her.

There’s whispering on the other end of the phone, one of them has tried to cover the mic with their hand but missed it because Julie can very clearly hear what they’re saying. Something about food and being dramatic and a pointless letter.

Julie sits up straighter in her chair, her heart feeling like it’s beating too fast for her chest to contain.

“Wait, what letters?” The question seems to startle them, because she can hear Alex drawing out a long ‘um’ and Reggie muttering ‘shit’ over and over again. But she heard something about letters and well. That can’t be a coincidence, and Luke had said in his last few letters that they knew.

“Nothing. Not _letters_ letters. Just y’know, Luke, he’s been writing stuff and words have letters. So Luke’s been writing with letters, like y’know, you do,” Reggie starts rambling, filling the silence and just adding to her confusion.

“Dude,” Alex says it so softly Julie almost misses it, but she can picture the blonde shaking his head as he tries to get Reggie to shut up. Any of other situation and Julie would probably be laughing, but right now she feels a little like she’s spinning out into an abyss.

“I know about the letters.” Julie blurts it out without thinking it through and immediately regrets it.

Alex and Reggie seem to take in a collective breath before both start talking at once, words stumbling over each other and not making any sense other then a few words and Julie frowns, rubbing a hand over her eyes and starts packing away some of her things.

“Guys.”

Nothing, they’re still talking and now more to each other then her. Rolling her eyes and standing up from her chair Julie slings her bag strap over one shoulder and starts to leave.

“Guys!” There’s silence on the other end of the phone now, but she can still hear them breathing so she knows they’re listening. “He hasn’t sent any of them. I–” She pauses, pushing open the door and letting a wave of cool air wash over her. “Ok shit this is gonna sound crazy. But I need you two to just listen okay? And you can’t tell him! Okay?”

Julie bites her lip as she waits for their response and lets out a breath when they both promise to not say anything. She starts her somewhat crazy story and by the time she’s walked back to her apartment Reggie is firmly on board with her magical fire postal service theory while Alex sounds five minuets away from a break down over it all.

At least they believe her. And it’s two more people she can talk to about how stupidly in love with Luke she is.

> _Dear Julie,_
> 
> _Step into my world_
> 
> _Bittersweet love story about a girl_
> 
> _Shook me to the core_
> 
> _Voice like an angel, I've never heard before_
> 
> _The truth is finally breaking through_
> 
> _Two worlds collide when I'm with you_
> 
> _Our voices rise and soar so high_
> 
> _We come to life when we're_
> 
> _In perfect harmony_
> 
> _Woah, woah_
> 
> _Perfect harmony_
> 
> _Woah, woah_
> 
> _Perfect harmony_
> 
> _You set me free_
> 
> _Love me as I am_
> 
> _I'll hold your music here inside my hands_
> 
> _We say we're friends_
> 
> _We play pretend_
> 
> _You're more to me_
> 
> _We create a perfect harmony_
> 
> _There’s something missing, I’m sure you’d be able to figure it out, but this doesn’t feel like the kind of song I can show you without you realising something._
> 
> _Love always,_
> 
> _Luke._

Letter thirteen arrives with an extra sheet of notebook paper tucked inside. It’s not the first letter to make her cry, but it’s definitely the first one to make her cry a little uncontrollably.

Because he’s written a song.

For her.

About her.

About _them_.

Anyone who met Luke knew that his love language was touch and that he expressed everything he felt in his music. They knew how _important_ it was to him.

They’d written songs together before, even written the occasional song about each other. But nothing like this. Because Luke writing her a _love_ song? It said more about his feelings then any of his letters could. More then every _i love you_ he’d scribbled onto burnt pages.

She took a while to read it through, to hum the melody and notes he’d written along the margins. The she’d dried her tears, torn a sheet of paper out of her own note book and filled in the gaps. Julie really hoped they’d get to play it together one day.

> _Dear Julie,_
> 
> _I’m sorry we can’t be with you today. I know it’s always a hard day._
> 
> _It’s kind of hard to find dahlias in November that don’t look like they’re about to collapse, but we found this botanical garden and Reggie caused a distraction while Alex kept a look out and I cut a few. ~~We like to think your mom would appreciate a little rule breaking.~~_
> 
> ~~~~_We didn’t really plan on what to do once we had them,_ _so we just sort of threw them in a river, like they do in films? And we changed our set list a little, threw in a few_ Rose and the Petal Pushers _in there. It’s not much, I know. But, thought that counts, right?_
> 
> _I hope you’re okay._
> 
> _Love always,_
> 
> _Luke._

A week after her mom had died Julie found herself standing outside of a secondhand book shop, staring in the window at the displays of books and nick-knacks. She could never remember how she got there, only that she’d not really slept in two weeks and had wanted to clear her head, so she’d gotten dressed and started walking. Luckily for her, Luke happened to be walking past, had spotted her and kept her company until she’d practically collapsed against him as she cried. Then he had gently tucked her against his side and walked her home.

Now, five years later Julie kind of felt like going on a walk to clear her head again. Not so much out of grief this time – though she was always a little sad about her mom, it came in waves and sudden bursts and some days were better then others, it was just how she lived now, with that grief always there – but out of confusion and worry.

Her mom had liked Luke. Said he was charming and polite and talented. She’d liked Alex and Reggie too, had thought the three of them had what it took to make it. Had secretly told Julie that their friendship would be what made them stand out. You’d have to be blind to not see how much they all loved each other. And she's said it while looking at Julie kind of softly, like she knew something that Julie didn't.

Sitting at the piano bench, in one of Luke’s old jumpers fighting to keep out the chill as she looks over the fifteen letters she’s scattered across the keys. The boys got back late last night, and she’d woken up this morning to the fifteenth, and last, letter waiting on her bedside table.

In theory there was a pretty simple solution to her problem.

She just had to tell Luke that she loved him. She could probably even avoid ever brining up the letters if she phased it right. But she didn’t know _how_ to say it, how to bring it up. And he’d be here in less then an hour and she'd have four months to plan this and had come up with nothing. And oh god, what the hell was she going to say?

Blowing out a breath Julie closes her eyes tight, trying to get her heart rate to calm down and her thoughts to stop their spiralling.

This was Luke. He loved her. She loved him. Why was she so damn scared?

She wished her mom was here. Rose Molina had many talents in life and one of them had been knowing just how to calm her daughters racing thoughts. But her mom wasn’t here and she had to figure this out by herself.

Opening her eyes Julie bit her lip as she looked over the letters again before nodding once and started collecting them together and getting up from the piano bench. The first thing she did was put the letters on the table next to the couch, out of the way unless they ventured over there. Then, Julie started pacing, trying to formulate a speech, how to convey her feelings, how to avoid the letters.

All that went out of her head as she spun on her heel, about to pace back towards the doors when she spotted Luke standing there, framed in early afternoon sun light with his stupid orange beanie and the coat she knows his mom bought him last Christmas. Julie feels her heart stutter, her breath leave her too quickly and an overwhelming urge to hug him and never let go.

She loves him. And how she’s never noticed the way he looks at her, with his every emotion displayed in his eyes? Well Julie is going to blame that on her being too preoccupied with school work and not on the fact that maybe she’s a little bit dumb too.

//

_**two year later.** _

“None of your shirts even have sleeves why is this bag so heavy?” Julie groans, letting the strap of Luke’s duffle bag drop from her shoulder as it thuds to the floor of their living room. She’d only offered to carry it because she’d assumed it wouldn’t weigh much.

“Oh, I wrapped some of my candles up with them,” Luke’s cheerful reply from the door way has Julie raising her eyebrows at him.

“Why?”

“Reggie said I should wrap them up. So they didn’t break?” He carefully puts the box he was carrying on the arm of the sofa, waiting until he’s sure it’s not about to fall before moving his hands away. There’s a confused little frown on his face, and Julie rolls her eyes fondly.

“That’s– y’know what? Okay,” she laughs, shaking her head once and letting it go. The candles are safe, his shirts are probably all wrinkled, but they’re standing in their new apartment, surrounded by all their things and Julie couldn’t be happier.

“If you had opinions of my packing skills you could have come over and helped.” Luke walks around the side of the sofa over to where she’s stood between a suitcase and a stack of cardboard boxes with a wicker basket perched a little precariously on top.

He stops just short of her, one arm snaking out to wrap around her wrist until he can tug her a little closer and Julie makes a show of dragging her feet, a small pout on her lips. It does what she wanted, because Luke smiles at her, that soft little tugging of his lips as his eyes close slightly and Julie now knows means ‘ _fuck i love her so god damn much_ ’, and then he’s leaning down and pressing a small kiss to the corner of her lips.

“You have too much stuff,” it sounds more like a whine then she intended, but he’s teasing her now. Kissing the other side of her mouth, then her cheek, then her temple, back to her lips only to stop inches away.

“I could always take some of it back to the guys place…” he trails off, clearly ready to pull away from her completely and Julie rolls her eyes at him, using her free hand to reach up and around the back of his neck to keep him in place before going up on her tiptoes just a little to finally kiss him.

“You’re so annoying.” Julie sighs as they break apart, hand falling to his shoulder, but she’s smiling at him and his soft little smile has spread into a wide grin and she kinda hates how happy that smile alone makes her.

“Yeah, but you love me,” Luke’s still got his fingers wrapped lightly around her wrist and now he slowly slide his fingers down so he can lace them though hers as his other hand taps an rhythm on her waist where it had landed as they kissed.

“Unfortunately.” Luke lets out a little mock gasp at her and Julie can’t help but laugh at him, shaking her head before letting out a breath, dropping her hand from his shoulder and carefully stepping out of his space which only causes Luke to let out a small whine. “We gotta at least get all of our stuff in the apartment before dinner.”

Julie gives a pointed look at the stack of boxes still waiting in the hallway and giggles at the dramatic sigh that Luke gives before bouncing over to them. Grabbing the strap of the duffle bag and the handle of her own suitcase Julie weaves her way through the boxes dotted around the apartment to the bedroom, smiling softly to herself at the bags already in there, the bed frame with it’s mattress still leaning against the wall and one of Luke’s guitars nestled on a mound of her favourite pillows and blankets.

Their lives had already been so intertwined before they’d started dating, that when they’d officially become a couple very little seemed to change.

They still spent the same amount of time together, they still wrote songs together for their album, they still bickered about pizza toppings and what to watch. Only now they could do it while holding hands, they could make up after an argument with a kiss, they could fall asleep curled up together and wake up in the morning still wrapped together.

So it had made sense to move in together.

When the lease of the apartment she’d been sharing with Flynn came to an end, and when the boys and her had _finally_ signed with a record label that they all liked, it had just seemed like the obvious thing to do. Alex and Reggie had both promised that Luke wasn’t actually that bad to live with, you just had to remind him that towels didn’t live on the floor and that you really shouldn’t drink coffee out of a bowl. Julie was fairly confident she could handle that.

Coming back out of the bedroom Julie’s question of if Luke wanted a drink died on her lips as she found him sitting with his back to the wall between the kitchen and living room, the lid of her dream box in one hand while the other poked through it’s contents.

“What did I tell you about that!?” Resting her hands on her hips she glares down at him from her place in the doorway. Julie's not really _mad_ at him for snooping through it, she’s not really put anything in her dream box in a long time because everything finds a way into a song and all the little things that used to remind her of her mom have found new homes. But there’s somethings funny about the way Luke freezes, his fingers dropping the lid automatically while his other hand pulls out of the box already clutching something tightly.

“In my defence these literally have my name on them!” He waves his prize in the air at her and Julie walks forward to get a better look at what he’s got. She feels her eyes widen a fraction as she recognises the purple envelopes, she’d forgotten that she’d put them in there.

“Crap,” is all she can say, lips twisting up to the side as she crosses her arms. Luke tilts his head to the side as he looks up at her, a quizzical look on his face as he offers the envelopes and their contents to her. Julie lets her shoulders relax and smiles a little, uncrossing her arms so she can sit down next to him, back against the wall and shoulders touching.

“You can read them, it’s only fair. I read yours,” she says is wearily as her eyes stay glued to the letters. She’d written them so long ago now that she can barely remember what she’d said. While Julie had read Luke’s letters to her to the point of memorising them, she’d never quite had the courage to let him read her replies.

“You wrote me letters?” He asks, a quite sort of reverence in his tone as he flicks through the envelopes, his name changing size and placement on each one.

They don’t talk about his love letters much. Mostly because none of them have ever quite worked out how she received them and partly because Luke’s always seemed just a little bit embarrassed about them. He thinks he sounded whiny, he’d told her one night. Julie had just shook her head at him and kissed him and kissed him and kissed him.

“Technically, I replied to your letters,” Julie shrugs one shoulder, then nods at them, “They should be in order, bottom to the top.”

She leans her head on Luke’s shoulder as he carefully opens the first envelop and takes out her first letter. It should be a little weird, she thinks, sitting here as he reads her letters to him, but it’s not. Luke wraps his arm around her shoulders, pulling her a little closer, while his other hand holds the letter and he reads.

Julie presses a kiss to the only place she can reach, to his neck, just under his ear and then smiles as she reads the letter too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had a lot of fun writing this and yes i have decided that the magical fire postal service is run by little fire fairies and no i don't take criticism on that. (im kidding i'm happy to hear other peoples thoughts on my silly little made up postal service)
> 
> there's gonna be one more chapter which is just. all luke's letters and all julie's replies but i'm arguing with everything about the formatting for it so it might be tomorrow when it's posted. okay thanks bye!!!
> 
> anyway!!!  
> i hope you're all staying safe in these hard times.  
> hope you enjoyed! comments and kudos are appreciated!! mwah xox  
> you can also find me on [tumblr](https://tangledstarlight.tumblr.com/)!


	3. the letters

_Dear Julie_

_I realised something a few weeks ago. Bet you can’t guess what it is. Actually that seems a little unfair because I have no intentions of sending this letter. In fact, as soon as I’m finished writing it, I’m going to put it into an envelope and burn it._

_I saw that in a film once. Someone writing down all their feelings and then burning it. Not sure if it helped but. That’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to write this letter. ~~Maybe another one, until I’ve worked out how to deal with all these feelings.~~_

_And then I’m going to burn it._

_I’ve got four months ahead of me on this tour, four months of only being able to talk to you via a phone. That should be enough time to sort myself out, right?_

_I realised I love you. I’m_ in _love with you. Wow, that feels kinda nice to write. I love you, Julie. Huh. Maybe there’s something to this letter writing thing after all._

_Love always,_

_Luke._

_**Dear Luke** _

**_You know what’s really funny? I remember watching that film with you. I remember thinking it was a stupid thing to do, writing a letter and then buring it. If you love someone you should just tell them. What’s the point of keeping something so big a secret?_ **

**_And then I realised that I was in love with you. And I understood why they didn’t tell them. I get why you haven’t told me._ **

**_Being in love is kinda terrifying, isn’t it? But I think being in love with you might be the simplest thing I’ve ever done. YOU making being in love such an easy thing, you never ask for anything back._ **

**_I’m going to reply to all your letters, I hope that’s okay? I know you never wanted me to see them, but well, I have now and I have some thoughts and some feelings that I want to share too. Maybe I’ll let you read them someday._ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Julie._ **

> ( “You think being in love with me is the easiest thing you’ve ever done?” Luke asks, and Julie wants to kiss the stupid smirk off his face, but she’s fairly sure that would constitute to confirming his question.
> 
> “Not anymore I don’t. I’ve seen how you make toast, it’s concerning.” )

_//_

_Dear Julie,_

_Did you know every town seems to have the world's best coffee and cheesecake? This is the fifth place we’ve stopped that claimed to have it, and I’ll be honest with you, I’ve yet to find a coffee that’s better than yours. Or a cheesecake better then the one Reggie found from that place by the docks._

_Do you remember that? We found him in your moms studio, just eating cheesecake like his life depended on it with his fingers. You made him come into the house and use a fork. He still talks about it sometimes, his magical cheesecake and how he’s never been able to find the shop since._

_Sometimes I think you might be my magical cheesecake. That if I ever get the chance to try you, have you, I’ll just end up losing you forever. Oh fuck that just sounds wrong. God I’m glad you’ll never get to read this mess. I wish I could never read this mess. Fuck._

_~~I~~ We miss you._

_Love always,_

_Luke._

_**Dear Luke** _

**_Okay first off, you only like my coffee so much because I don’t judge you for the ~~obsene~~ obscene amounts of sugar you put in it. Secondly, that cheesecake of Reggie’s was pretty freaking epic, I can’t fault him for still talking about it. ~~Part of me does think he might have just found it on the side of the road though, like in that episode of friends?~~_ **

**_That might be the cringiest thing you’ve ever said. I’m gonna be nice and pretend I never read it._ **

**_I miss you too._ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Julie._ **

> ( “Aw babe, I forgot you called me your magical cheesecake. I’m so honored.”
> 
> “Shut up.” There’s a blush creeping up the back of his neck and tinging the tops of ears and Julie smiles into his shoulder. )

_//_

_Dear Julie,_

_I’ve never really thought about love before. I mean, I’ve thought about it, obviously. Because I love my parents. ~~Even though I’m never sure if they love me~~. And I love the boys, and I love music and I love the sound of rain on a metal roof and the way when you smile it’s like the whole world is a little brighter. _

_But I’ve never really thought about it, y’know? About how all those types of love are different. I love Alex and Reggie the same way I love my mom and dad, they’re family. I’d do anything for them, to keep them happy. But if Reg or Alex turned around tomorrow and said they didn’t want to be in the band anymore I’d say okay and find a way to carry on without them._

_Sometimes I think I’d give up music, if you asked me too. And that’s fucking terrifying Julie. That’s such a different kind of love. It’s the kind of love that they write books about and that poets are constantly trying to emulate._

_It’s a kind of love that people search for all their life and sometimes never find. And ~~I just~~ \- I found it by accident that day we were partnered in science. _

_Love always,_

_Luke._

**_Dear Luke_ **

**_Just because your parents don’t understand your dreams doesn’t mean they don’t love you Luke. Because they do. You know they do. Everything they’ve ever done has been because they love you, they just don’t always show it in the right ways._ **

**_~~I think there’s so many different types of love and I think it makes sense that you’ve never really thought about it before. I hadn’t. Not until after my mom died.~~ _ **

**~~~~_You love like no one else I know. I’ve never seen you not give your all to something or someone that you love. And I think that anyone who gets even a little bit of your love should know how lucky they are, because it’s such a wonderful thing, it’s the type of love that musicians have been trying to capture for centuries. It’s what makes your music so good._ **

**_I hope you know I’d never ask you to give up something you love, something that makes you feel alive. Your stupid one-track passionate mind is one of then many things I adore about you._ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Julie._ **

> ( Julie laces her fingers through the hand Luke has draped over her shoulder, it’s not exactly the most comfortable position but it’s worth it for the shaking breath Luke lets out and the small kiss he presses into her hair. He might be on better terms with his parents but there’s always going to be doubts and worries in the back of his mind, Julie just hopes she’ll always be able to dispel them. )

_//_

_Dear Julie,_

_I’m in love with you. Isn’t that just the craziest fucking thing?_

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

_Maybe one day when I’m not so scared I might even tell you._

_Love always,_

_Luke._

_**Dear Luke** _

**_Not so crazy. Because I love you too._ **

**_You’re so dumb sometimes, Luke._ **

**_You better tell me every day for the rest of our lives._ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Julie._ **

> (“Hey Jules?” Luke drops the letter he’s holding, turning to look at Julie so suddenly that she drops his hand and sits up straighter.
> 
> “Yeah?”
> 
> “I really fucking love you,” there’s a big grin on his face and Julie huffs out a laugh, pushing at his shoulder until he’s sitting back against the wall.
> 
> “You’re so weird,” she mutters and waits for him to pick up the letter again but when he doesn’t and she looks up to find him pouting at her Julie rolls her eyes. “I love you too.”
> 
> And it’s worth it for the smile on his face that seems to get a little bigger.)

_//_

_Dear Julie,_

_So, what’s it like in New York city? ~~I’ve always wanted to ask someone that. I know it doesn't really work, because you’re only there for something to do with school, not forever, but still. I’m seeing my chance and I’m taking it. I might even text you it. In fact, I’m going to text you right now, because it’s a funny reference.~~_

_~~I miss you, which seems really stupid because I only saw you like an hour ago on my phone. Time is so weird. We go from seeing each other nearly every day to nothing. Do you miss me? God that sounds sad, even for me.~~ _

~~~~I hope you like New York. Maybe we’ll get to go together sometime.

_Love always,_

_Luke._

_**Dear Luke** _

**_I can’t believe you sang the whole song to me. ~~I can’t believe I never noticed the way you look at me before.~~ Flynn says we’re both really stupid you know? Me, because this is the fifth letter I’ve magically gotten and not told you about. You, because this is the fifth letter you’ve written and not just told me how you feel. I think she might have a point. ~~God, we really are so stupid aren’t we?~~_ **

~~~~**_I always miss you Luke. Now it’s my turn to sound pathetic._ **

**_I’ll hold you to that, I have it in writing now. You, me, New York City. Let's do it._ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Julie._ **

> ( “I can’t believe we’re finally getting that trip to New York in a few months. And that it’s for a show.”
> 
> “It’s gonna be amazing.” )

_//_

_Dear Julie,_

_Do you have a favourite type of cheese? How many times have you watched Dirty Dancing? If there was one thing you could do differently, what would it be? How do you feel about skittles and m &m’s being mixed together? Cats or dogs? Did you ever finished reading the Twilight books? What band would you kill so see live? ~~Do you love me back?~~_

_Love always,_

_Luke._

_**Dear Luke,** _

**_Definitely mozzarella. Over twenty but less than fifty. I’d have spent more time with my mom, just doing the little things, yknow, watching tv, baking. It’s a crime against humanity unless the bowl is handed to Alex in which case it would be pretty funny to see his reaction. Cats. You know I did, I complained about how anti-climatic it was. Rose and the Petal Pushers. ~~Yes.~~_ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Julie._ **

> ( “You’re a cat person? Wow Jules, I don’t think this is gonna work out actually.”
> 
> “Oh shush I already agreed to _looking_ into adopting a dog, it’s the whole reason we got this apartment.” )

_//_

_Dear Julie,_

_We had a free day today, the first of the whole tour, so we went exploring. Our first mistake might have been letting Reggie lead us, but by the time we realised we were lost it was too late._

_Did you know he could speak German? Me and Alex sure didn’t. But we ran into this family from Germany, I think they were lost too?_

_Either way, they had this full blown conversation with Reg in German and then we all just went on our way like it was nothing. Like that hadn’t just happened. That Reg hadn’t just broken out a whole other language. It was wild. ~~I wonder if we can incorporate it into a song?~~_

_Anyway, we wandered around the whole town, it was cool. Getting lost, not worrying about anything much. There was this cool little thrift shop we found and there was this butterfly necklace that I saw and it just. It just screamed your name at me. I’ll add it to the collection of mugs and keychains we’ve been collecting for you when we get back. ~~God, I hope you like it~~. _

_Kinda wish you were with us though. It would have made the day even better._

_Love always,_

_Luke._

_**Dear Luke** _

**_Reggie can speak German??? What the actual fuck?? You can’t just tell a person that in a letter and not over the phone. How the hell am I supposed to ever look at Reggie again and_ not _wonder why he knows German? Honestly, this could be the reason I fess up to getting your letters._**

**_Please, I’m begging you Luke, don’t try and write a song in German._ **

**_You know that little second hand shop down by the strip? Next to the pizza place where Alex likes to go so he can pretend to not be watching Willie in the park across the road? I went in the other day and I found this old guitar strap and I think they’re meant to be waves, but they’re in all the shades of a sunset and I just. Well. It reminded me of you. And I know how attached you are to yours, but I bought it anyway. Just in case._ **

**_We’ll wander through random little towns one day._ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Julie._ **

> ( “I still can’t believe he can speak German, did you ever ask him about it?”
> 
> “Oh man so get this! There was an audiobook he wanted to listen to right? But apparently it was only available in German so Reg just, like, decided he was gonna learn German. Got that weird app, the one with the scare green owl?”
> 
> “Duolingo?” Julie supplied, eyebrows raised.
> 
> “Yes! That one. So he downloaded the app and started learning German.” Luke says it with a wistful little look on his face, eyes wide and eyebrows raised. Julie knows it’s his ‘ _how f-ing awesome are my friends!?_ ’ look and smiled back at him.
> 
> “Apparently the book was shit though.”
> 
> It takes her a moment realise what he’s said but then Julie bursts out laughing and Luke’s joining too. )

_//_

_Dear Julie,_

_You’re hanging out with Nick again I see. Which makes sense. You’ve always liked him, right? Flynn used to always tease you about your crush, it was funny, you’d get all flustered and stuttery and say something completely out of left field._

_Is it weird that I’m jealous? Of the two of you hanging out, going on a date? It’s not like we’re anything to each but friends, right? Best friends, with unrequited love on one end. Jesus fuck I sound like some cliche film._

_You know you can do better than him right? Nick, he’s cool and everything, sweet, really. But Julie, fuck Julie you deserve someone who’s always going to pick you first. Who’s going to see you for the amazing talented beautiful star that you are. And Nick, I’ve heard him try to compliment you. He never even makes it past ‘you look nice’._

_And it’s not like I think you should pick me. ~~Even though I do, i so fucking do.~~ I’m just this– it’s like, if we were two paintings in a gallery, you’d be the one surrounded by rope and a security guard to make sure no one got too close. I’d be that painting in the back, maybe with a plexiglass case if I’m lucky. _

_I guess what I mean is. Don’t settle for a Nick, who only noticed you after a Carrie. You deserve so much more and better than that Jules._

_Love always,_

_Luke._

_**Dear Luke** _

**_I was 13 when I had a crush on Nick, I hardly think we should all still be talking about it now we’re in our 20’s. It just seems mean. To me. Personally. I really hate that Flynn told you guys about it._ **

**_I really hate it when you do that you know? Put yourself down. God Luke I wish you could see how amazing and talented and kind you are. You are so much more than just, good or mediocre. You spend so much time hyping me up, telling Alex and Reggie how great they are, that you forgot how amazing you are too._ **

**_And maybe that’s on us. For not telling you. For not showing you. I’m going to try to be better about that, about telling you what a star you are. And how anyone would be fucking lucky to have you. I know I am._ **

**_I would pick you over anyone Luke. I would pick you anytime, in any life. It’s sappy, I know. But it’s true._ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Julie._ **

> ( “You really are amazing, you know that, right?” Julie asks, leaning forward to peer into his face. Because she’d written that she’d tell him more, show him, but she’s not sure if she ever has. Not in the way he’s always showing them.
> 
> “I know I’ve gotta be doing something right if I’ve got you and the boys in my life,” he shrugs smiling softly at her. Julie frowns because that’s not really the answer she wanted, but before she can say anything else Luke is leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss to her lips then picking up the next letter. She makes a mental note to show him how amazing she thinks he is later. )

_//_

_Dear Julie,_

_Found out I was allergic to salmon today. I know I already talked to you on facetime for like, three hours after the hospital. But how fucking crazy is that, huh? Twenty-one years on this earth and I’ve only just found out._

_Wild. Alex is gonna hate it when he has to start carrying around two EpiPens. Wonder if Reg is allergic to anything?_

_Love always,_

_Luke._

_**Dear Luke** _

**_Look, I know it’s not funny. That you were scared and that you got hurt. But fuck. You were so funny on facetime, all loopy and out of it. It was pretty cute, I’ve got screenshots to prove it._ **

**_You know you could just carry your own epipen. Controversial I know, but it’s an option. I’m just saying._ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Julie._ **

> ( “I nearly died and you were laughing at me!” Luke pouts, brows furrowed together and he looks more like a sad puppy then the angry face she knows he’s trying to make.
> 
> “I only laughed after I knew you were fine!” )

_//_

_Dear Julie,_

_i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you_

_God, i’m so glad I can burn this one. It’s kind of pathetic, huh? And cliche. A drunken love letter. Ha. A drunken love letter. Is that a good song title or am I just too drunk? Maybe I’ll ask Alex._

_Love always,_

_Luke._

_**Dear Luke** _

**_I love you too._ **

**_I hope you drank plenty of water after this one._ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Julie._ **

> ( “I think this is my favourite letter,” Julie grins, reaching out to slip it from his fingers. Knowing full well this is the one he’d probably try and destroy permanently if he could. )

_//_

_Dear Julie,_

_So. Reggie caught me writing that last letter. Honestly, I’m kinda surprised I’ve managed to get away with all this for so long without either of them catching me._

_Alex thinks it’s pretty funny. Reggie does too, but he at least didn’t laugh out loud. They say I’m being stupid. Writing you letters that I’ll never send, which, yeah, I_ know _that. But it helps. Writing to you. Knowing that I can say whatever I want and it won’t matter because you’ll never read them. You all know I’m better at writing out my feelings then speaking them. This just doesn't involve a guitar._

_Anyway, Alex and Reggie know so I guess I don’t have to sneak out to burn them anymore. Wonder how Alex is gonna feel about a fire in the bathroom sink._

_Love always,_

_Luke._

_**Dear Luke** _

**_I honestly can’t believe Alex, Reggie AND Flynn all knew we loved each other before we even said it to each other. That seems a little backwards, doesn’t it? Surely they should have all been the last to know._ **

**_For the love of god Luke, don’t set a fire in the bathroom!_ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Julie._ **

> ( “We really were pretty slow on the whole feelings situation, huh?” Luke muses, resting his head on top of Julie’s where it’s found its place on his shoulder again.
> 
> “In our defense, we were trying to get Alex and Willie together at the time, we didn’t have time to worry about our _own_ feelings.”
> 
> “Oh you have a point there. We were preoccupied, not blind. It’s a perfectly valid excuse.” )

_//_

_Dear Julie,_

_As predicted, Alex didn’t like the idea of a fire in the bathroom sink. He made me go outside to burn it, which seemed a little mean given it was raining._

_It’s funny, y’know, because I was thinking the other day about how this is probably the longest in our whole friendship that we’ve not physically seen each other? Not hung out. I never really thought that four months was a long time, but fuck it’s felt like a whole life time Jules._

_And we’ve still got a whole month to go. Next time, you should come with us. Screw school, you don’t need a degree. You’d have a recording contract after one performance at Eats &Beats. Or you know, you could finally take us up on our offer and join the band. Sunset Curve always has a spot for you. We’d be unstoppable. Even your dad would agree. You know he loves us. Think about it, huh?_

_Love always,_

_Luke._

_**Dear Luke** _

**_I mean, I don’t know what you were expecting honestly. The only reason you and Reg are still alive is due to Alex and his worrying about everything, which includes starting fires. You should thank Alex by the way, because he tried really hard to stop Reggie from talking and blurting it out, and it probably would have worked if I’d not already known about the letters._ **

**_You’ve never asked me why I said no to joining the band, do you realise that? I just said no and you accepted it, never asked any more questions. Which was surprisingly nice of you. But, I’m going to tell you why I said no._ **

**_It’s because I was scared. I knew that you would do whatever it took for the band to succeed, that you’d do everything and anything and I admired that. You put your all into music Luke and it’s like magic to witness it. But my mom had died and I’d only just started playing again and it fucking terrified me. The idea of joining the band and making it big and her not being there to see it, y’know?_ **

**_I don’t think I’m so scared about it anymore though. You helped me with that, with realising that she’d always be with me and that music was a way to keep her alive. So, ask me again one day. To join the band. I might say yes now._ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Julie._ **

> ( “I’m glad I asked you again. I almost didn’t y’know?” Luke says, twirling one of her curls around his finger as he talks. “After we got together I was worried you might think I was just trying to use you for your voice or something. Or that you would worry it would make all the band dynamics weird. Then Alex said I was being stupid and we asked you and well. Now it’ll just be a fun story for our autobiography.” )

_//_

_Dear Julie,_

_Step into my world_

_Bittersweet love story about a girl_

_Shook me to the core_

_Voice like an angel, I've never heard before_

_The truth is finally breaking through_

_Two worlds collide when I'm with you_

_Our voices rise and soar so high_

_We come to life when we're_

_In perfect harmony_

_Woah, woah_

_Perfect harmony_

_Woah, woah_

_Perfect harmony_

_You set me free_

_Love me as I am_

_I'll hold your music here inside my hands_

_We say we're friends_

_We play pretend_

_You're more to me_

_We create a perfect harmony_

_There’s something missing, I’m sure you’d be able to figure it out, but this doesn’t feel like the kind of song I can show you without you realising something._

_Love always,_

_Luke._

_**Dear Luke** _

**_We’re so playing this when you get back._ **

**_Here in front of me_ **

**_Shining so much brighter than I have ever seen_ **

**_Life can be so mean_ **

**_But when he goes, I know he doesn't leave_ **

**_You and me together is more than chemistry_ **

**_We say we're friends, we play pretend_ **

**_You're more to me, we're everything_ **

**_Our voices rise and soar so high_ **

**_We come to life when we're_ **

**_I feel your rhythm in my heart, yeah-yeah_ **

**_You are my brightest, burning star, woah-woah_ **

**_I never knew a love so real (So real)_ **

**_We're heaven on earth, melody and words_ **

**_When we are together we're_ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Julie._ **

> ( “I knew you had these lyrics ready too quickly! Why didn’t you show me this then?”
> 
> “Because I didn’t want to get into all my replies at that point. It’s embarrassing you know?” Julie stuck her tongue out at him, Luke just poked her in the side laughing as she squirmed to get away. )

_//_

_Dear Julie,_

_I’m sorry we can’t be with you today. I know it’s always a hard day._

_It’s kind of hard to find dahlias in November that don’t look like they’re about to collapse, but we found this botanical garden and Reggie caused a distraction while Alex kept a look out and I cut a few. ~~We like to think your mom would appreciate a little rule breaking.~~_

~~~~We didn’t really plan on what to do once we had them, so we just sort of threw them in a river, like they do in films? And we changed our set list a little, threw in a few Rose and the Petal Pushers _in there. It’s not much, I know. But, thought that counts, right?_

_I hope you’re okay._

_Love always,_

_Luke._

_**Dear Luke** _

**_She would have really liked that. A little act of rebellion and playing her music. I think she would be a really big fan of your band, and be so proud of everything that you and the boys have managed to achieve. You’re living your dreams Luke, and it’s amazing! It’s all she ever wanted for me and Carlos. For us to be happy to and to be anything we dreamt we could be._ **

**_Sometimes I worry that I’m not making her proud. I know, it’s stupid and you’d probably say exactly what my dad would, that she could never be disappointed in me but well. I almost gave up on music. On this great big thing that she loved so much. I almost gave it up. And one of the reasons why I didn’t was you._ **

**_We’re going to the cemetery later. And we’ll leave her some dahlias and say we miss her and tell her all the things we have planned for the holidays. I hate today. I have to stop writing now before my tears make this whole thing illegible. Now who’s sounding like a cliche, huh?_ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Julie._ **

> ( Luke’s arm around her shoulders tightened a little, and Julie pressed a small kiss into his shoulder. Thinking about her mom would always hurt, but at least she could think about her and think about all the good things now. She could share those memories with Luke too. )

_//_

_Dear Julie,_

_We get home tomorrow. And you’ll already be home. So I guess this is my last letter. I’m gonna kind of miss talking to you like this, which is weird, given I never actually posted any of them. But they’ve helped, y’know? For me to figure things out._

_See, I think I’ve always been a little in love with you Julie. And it ~~kind of~~ totally scared the shit out of me. Because loving someone, anyone, let alone you, like this, it’s so much. It’s like. God I don’t even know. It’s like you could just smile at me and my day will be 10x better. _

_That’s kinda wild right?_

_But I’m not really scared of it anymore. Of these great big feelings I have for you. Because they make sense. Loving you is so fucking easy. The boys say I should just tell you, like they know something I don’t._

_But I don’t think I can. Not yet at least. Because if you don’t love me back, the way I love you, then that’s fine. But I don’t think I can deal with that kinda heart break just yet._

_I hope that’s okay. That I just live in my little bubble of denial and dreams for a little while longer. I’ll let you pop it at some point. Just, not yet._

_I’ll tell you one day, I promise._

_I love you._

_Love always,_

_Luke._

**_Dear Luke_ **

**_It’s weird, but I know exactly what you mean about writing these letters helping. There’s no pressure to it. I can say whatever I want or need to say, even if it’s stupid or doesn’t make any sense. And it doesn’t matter because you’ll probably never read this._ **

**_The thing is Luke, I’m scared too. I’m scared that if we do this, really do it, it could totally ruin our friendship. I’m scared that you might wake up one day and realise you could have anyone, could find someone so much more whole than me_ ** ~~**_and I know you don’t believe that, but it’s true. I’ve seen the way girls look at you._ ** ~~ **_I’m scared that so many things could go wrong._ **

**_But. God. I love you. I love you and you’re one of my best friends and I like to think that that is a pretty good starting point for anything more._ **

**_I’m going to tell you, today, when you come over. I don’t know if I’ll mention the letters, but I’m going to tell you how I feel and well. I guess we’ll see what happens. No pressure._ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Julie._ **

> ( “Can we agree to never tell the boys or Flynn about my letters to you? I feel like they already have enough embarrassing material on us,” Julie says as she helps Luke fold and put each of the letters back in their envelopes. His and Her's tucked safely away and back in her dream box. 
> 
> "Oh totally. There’s no need for Alex or Reggie to know what my first nine letters said. That cheesecake comment stays between us and Flynn, okay?”
> 
> “Fine by me,” she grins at him as he puts the lid back on the box and taps his fingers absently on the lid, his eyes glance around their new apartment. 
> 
> “Hey, we’re gonna be living together.” He says it like this fact has only just registered with his brain, a crooked smile on his lips as he looks at her with such excitement in his eyes that Julie can’t help but feel it too.
> 
> “Yeah, we are.” And she really can’t wait to spend the rest of her life with him. )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this was just supposed to be lukes letters and julies replies in the right order but i once again, got a little carried away and now there's some little interactions between them idk anyway enjoy this fic is now done!!! yay me for finishing something!! 
> 
> i have a few other things in the works but honestly i have no idea when i'll finish them but if anyone has any like willex prompts pls hmu because i gotta stop just dropping hints about them and commit yknow? 
> 
> anyway!!!  
> i hope you're all staying safe in these hard times.  
> hope you enjoyed! comments and kudos are appreciated!! mwah xox  
> you can also find me on [tumblr](https://tangledstarlight.tumblr.com/)!


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